Do Chicks Really Dig Jerks?

Geplaatst op 03-02-2023

Categorie: Lifestyle

Chicks dig jerks.

True or false?

This statement is one of the guiding principles of mating in our time. The unfortunate state of affairs, which is often credited with destroying society, is usually attributed to the Women’s Movement. Feminism ostensibly gave women the freedom to have sex with the bad men they really want.

Badness ——> Women want to have sex with you and grab those bad boy genes.

Goodness ——> Irrelevant and unappreciated until women are no longer sexually viable.

This simplistic causal relationship is repeated ad infinitum among men who feel shortchanged in the SMP. If we can think of some asshole who is a successful player, we have all the proof we need that life isn’t fair, and we were lied to! If not, we can simply point out that mass murderers receive marriage proposals in prison from adoring female fans. Case closed!

In fact, there is one factoid that is routinely invoked to prove the truth of the depravity of female mating preferences. That is the finding – largely supported by research – that bad men have more sexual partners than good men:

“Men who were manipulative, arrogant, calculating, and sly were more sexually active and had a greater variety of sexual experiences and a greater number of sex partners. These men scored higher on the agentic facets of an extraversion scale, namely assertiveness, activity level, and excitement seeking. These dimensions were correlated more highly with sexual experience than other communal variables such as warmth and positive emotion.”

Trapnell and Meston, 1996

As someone who has never once been attracted to a jerk or “bad boy,” I’ve long wanted to get to the bottom of this claim. Who are these men? Who are the women who like them? What is appealing about them? How much “success” do they have?

Does badness generate sexual attraction? Or is there something else going on? Might there be numerous correlating factors with number of sexual partners rather than one simple causal one?

Who Digs Jerks?

For some women, the sexual aspect of a relationship is primary (Kalof, 1995). In particular, women who are more permissive and who are willing to engage in sex are more attracted to bad boys.

“Dating Preferences of University Women: An Analysis of the Nice Guy Stereotype” from Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 25339-343, 1999

Scott Barry Kaufman:

“I think individual differences play a role here. Amy Alkon, Advice Goddess puts it well: “Bad boys appeal to three types of women: Thrill-seeker girls, girls who can’t commit, and ‘Near Zeros’ — girls who aren’t operating on a full tank of self-esteem.”

David Buss from Loveawake dating site:

“Men who pursue a sexually exploitative strategy also face a problem whose solution would be aided by a difference-detecting adaptation. The ability to identify more vulnerable victims — perhaps those who are more gullible, naïve, or cognitively challenged—would afford these men the ability to neutralize or circumvent whatever evolved defenses exist in potential victims and more successfully carry out their sexually exploitative strategy (Buss & Duntley, 2008).”

Jerks have more sexual partners.

How many sexual partners do players have?

Andrew Smiler has studied male players in college. His research reveals some interesting statistics (as reported by the players themselves):

According to a study of hooking up behavior among college students, only 3.5% of males rack up more than 6 partners in four years.

Only 12% exceed 3 partners, which is less than one per year.

For men, being very physically attractive (versus average/attractive) increases reported partners by 26%. (10% of the male population is deemed very attractive, 36% attractive, and 47% average.)

Let’s put this in perspective – The most attractive males have nothing like double the partners, but 26% more partners. In many cases, that will mean one additional sexual partner during college. 

The odds of men reporting having had sexual intercourse in the first week after meeting the partner are 20% higher for the top 10% of males.

Clearly, the differential in number of partners between players and non-players, while statistically significant, is small in real terms.

There is some evidence that Dark Triad males are better looking than average, but it is unclear whether greater perceived attractiveness is innate or due to grooming. Narcissists are more likely than other males to be preoccupied with personal appearance. They may also inflate their own perceptions of their attractiveness, enabling them to pursue women beyond their realistic prospects.

Re a 2011 study:

“The photos of the subjects – both the dressed up and neutral shots –  were then shown to strangers, who were asked to rate them in terms of physical attractiveness. Those who scored higher on the dark triad were consistently found to be more attractive by strangers than those who rated lower… but only when they were dressed up. When all of the subjects were wearing the sweat-suits and showing their more natural look, the influence of the dark triad personality type disappeared.”

Jerks exaggerate their number.

Researchers are well aware that narcissists, who tend toward grandiosity, are likely exaggerating their number of sexual partners, and are certainly including those whom they coerced or assaulted.

Unfortunately, self-reporting is the only way to collect information on sexual partners. It’s impossible to say how large the deception is, or how much greater than the normal male tendency to “round up” the number of sexual partners.

Other Correlations to Larger Number of Sexual Partners

“The number of sexual partners was a significant predictor of sexual aggression. As the number of sexual partners increased, so did the propensity to sexually aggress.

This finding is in line with previous research on men with more impersonal proclivities to sexual relationships (Malamuth, et al., 1991; Malamuth, et al., 1995, Malamuth, et al., 2000).”

Men who sexually aggress are more likely to acquire sexual partners via sexual assault.

Sociopathy or Dark Triad Traits

“In 2009, Peter Jonason and his colleagues published a study showing that college students scoring high on characteristics known as the “dark triad” (Machiavellianism, subclinical narcissism and subclinical psychopathy) tended to report having a higher number of sexual partners as well as more of an interest in short-term mating than those scoring lower on the dark triad.”

Unfortunately, Jonason’s study does not specify the differential in the number of partners.

Dark Triad males acquire an ample supply of short-term mates by adopting low standards:

“We found that the scores on the Dark Triad traits were positively related to having more sex partners, an unrestricted sociosexuality and a greater preference for short-term mates.

 …Men had slightly lower standards than women for short-term mates. Men who were high on the dark triad had even lower standards than men who scored low on the dark triad.”

They avoid kind, stable women:

“…Psychopathy was positively correlated with a preference for short-term mates and was negatively correlated with a preference for long-term mates who are kind. The researchers suggest that those scoring high in psychopathy may devalue kindness in a potential long-term mate in order to create a drama-rich environment to satisfy their high need for stimulation, risk-taking and impulsivity.”

Hardcore jerks are relatively rare.

David Buss:

“There is good empirical evidence for stable individual differences among men in which some, but not others, pursue a sexually exploitative strategy—those roughly 4% of men who have the cluster 40 of traits captured by the term psychopathy (Lalumiere, et al., 2005).

…Men high on psychopathy tend to pursue short-term mating strategies marked by deception, manipulation, the threat of force, and the use of force (Lalumiere et al., 2005).”

Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Mating Intelligence:

“My research with Glenn Geherand other researchers on Mating Intelligence does suggest that these traits by themselves along with some other skills of the asshole such as mind-reading, self-deception and other-deception can be predictive of number of sexual partners as well as college “hook-up” behaviors.

For the jerk, these traits can mask the shallowness that lies beneath (although the truth almost always eventually comes out).”

Narcissism evolved to foster short-term mating for men who failed to pair-bond.

Virtually all studies report greater narcissism in men, including cross-culturally (Foster, Campbell, & Twenge, 2003).

Holtzman and Strube (2010) propose that narcissism emerged in response to problems posed by the adoption of a short-term mating strategy in men. Adaptive narcissistic solutions include a willingness and ability to compete with one’s own sex, and to repel mates shortly after intercourse.

Narcissists find it comparatively easy to begin new relationships, perceive multiple opportunities available to them, and are less likely to remain monogamous (Campbell & Foster, 2002; Campbell, Foster, & Finkel, 2002).

The result is that sociopathic males are predators in the dating pool for the duration, while mentally healthy men pair off and reenter the dating pool far less frequently.

Unsurprisingly, short-term mating strategists are cheaters. David Buss:

“Selecting a narcissistic or low conscientious individual for a spouse, for example, means facing a statistically greater likelihood of confronting the adaptive problem of spousal infidelity (Buss & Shackelford, 1997).

Being disagreeable and low on conscientiousness increase the odds that an individual will pursue an unfaithful short-term mating strategy (Schmitt, 2004).”

Machiavellian men have sex early and often, regardless of consent.

“Machiavellianism is associated with social manipulation and opportunism, both beneficial to the pursuit of short-term mating.

Machiavellians report a tendency towards promiscuous behaviours and love-feigning (McHoskey, 2001b). Machiavellian men also report more sexual partners (including affairs), earlier sexual activity, and are inclined towards sexual coercion (McHoskey, 2001b).”

“Research from Washington University School of Medicine in St Louis revealed that there was a direct link with high rates of alcohol dependence and an increased number of sexual partners — 41% of frequent bingers indulged regularly in unplanned sex, while this happened to only 8% of occasional drinkers.”

Brain chemistry has something to do with it.

“Research from the University of California Los Angeles and published in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience shows…that some people’s brains are simply more sensitive to sexual cues than others — which means it takes less to get them aroused and ultimately leads them to find sexual partners.”

Environmental Correlates

The Bottom Line

  1. There are few bona fide jerks in the population.
  2. High levels of confidence and extraversion are superficially appealing to new targets.
  3. Jerks attract unstable women with low-self esteem.
  4. Jerks prey on gullible and naive women.
  5. They avoid commitment and seek impersonal sexual encounters.
  6. They acquire sexual partners through sexual assault.
  7. They provide grandiose accounts of sexual prowess, which cannot be verified.
  8. Very good looking men have more sexual partners whether they are narcissistic or not.

Scott Barry Kaufman:

“Perhaps at the end of the day the allure comes down to a few positive traits (e.g., confidence, honest display of sexual intentions with no beating around the bush, creativity, non-neediness, a fun and exciting persona) and mating skills (e.g., cross-sex mind reading).

Perhaps all the extra negative traits aren’t really necessary to attract women above and beyond the essentials.”

Is it helpful to understand the dynamic at play here? Are you surprised to learn that headlines like “Women Love Psychopaths!” are misleading?

What would you say to young men who seek to emulate the Dark Triad sociopath? Are those character traits in isolation (regardless of looks) catnip to women?

 

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